i am writing because i want to remember this moment

Ummar's having flu,and a little fever. Unlike the past 6 months when he had fever due to pneumococcal vaccine,he was all sweaty and grumpy and kain basah is his bestfriend. But this time he is cooler,fighting it like a big man,bariing aje,taking rest,menyorok bawah selimut and try his best to sleep. Kadang2 bangun nak minum jus then bile dah lege tido balik. Oh my,he is just 11 months,but already act like a grown up.

This is our 3rd night without papa. I admit it is darn boring. And the 1st day I bet Ummar knows that his papa is away he got tantrum the 1st half of the day. Ibu sampai nangis2 call papa & mengadu tak tahan dengar Ummar nangis aje. Papa ask ibu to be cool..you said Ummar just nak company,he hates being alone,nak ade org dekat dgn die.

that's normal..mase papa jage pon Ummar behave mcm tu.

Then I said papa tak pernah pon cerite Ummar perangai mcm ni,all the while papa mms hari2 muke Ummar hepi ceria je,bile ibu tanye papa cakap Ummar gudboy,behave,kdg2 je die buat perangai. Then papa reply,


xkan papa hari2 nak cerite mcm tu dekat ibu,ibu hari2 balik kerje penat lps tu papa nak ngadu pasal Ummar pulak.sbb tu kdg2 kalau Ummar buat perangai pagi2 xnak renggang papa mmg x sempat nak prepare lunch utk kite,mintak ibu tapao je.

ibu kene sabar dgn Ummar,die x pandai cakap lagi,we should give the attention he needs,bukan marah2 die balik,lagi buat die sedih.kalau ibu boleh sabar bwk die dlm tummy dulu mestilah ibu boleh sabar layan perangai ummar skrg.

And then I cry some more. Merah2 mate hidung sampai Ummar pon stop nangis sbb terkesima tgk ibu nangis. Papa x bagi ibu moody n nangis selalu sbb Ummar can feel the vibe,lagi die tak relax nanti.

Papa,
I have told you earlier on the phone just how much I feel sorry for sometimes angin tak tentu pasal ikot sgt darah mude (bak kate papa). What I didn't see is how u cope with our baby for almost a year now. I jage Ummar baru 3 full days tp dah mengadu mcm2 dkt papa while u only say good things about him. These 3 days makes me realize how much I am not being fair to you.

We have been married for 2 years syg, plus Ummar soon going to turn 1 (Subhanallah how time flies..) Throughout this moment you have been the one who sacrifice in this relationship. You leave the job that you love doing just to be with me here in this far land Kerteh. And after 6 months you quit that stupid company because I just cant stand it hearing you telling the stories on how unmanageable that company is, though they try to hold you longer with a handsome offer you still say no because you want us to move closer to Kerteh since we had just found out that we are going to have a baby soon. 2010 is the year that I slowly ripped the normality of your life, syg..so that you will stay, with me, and take care of me, and our baby. You remember when movies and hanging out every weekends were our routine? and suddenly it just stops? because we make just enough to last until the next paycheck comes in? and how we substitute the movies and hangouts with home made cooking? Oh syg u r so supportive! & understanding..I dunno how else to describe you and how much u mean to me!

& now, u are going to go back to KL, like I have promised earlier, for you to wait until Ummar turns 1. U know me and my paranoid self did not agree to send Ummar to nursery when he's still a toddler, I just can't imagine how strangers going to treat him. If he's grumpy they'll just slap him sesuka hati to shut him up, or even worse bagi ubat batok or ubat tidor, I can't help but have those kinds of thoughts going around in my head. But u support me syg, all the way..and now the time has come.

Ummar's going to turn 1 next month,
U have killed that job you specialized in,
& U are going to stay in KL,
and that's exactly 375km away from where I sit now.
It means that starting anytime soon there will be Sundays Mondays Tuesdays Wednesdays Thursdays without u here!

Oh papa it is so quick!

I am not sure if I am ready!

But u being u, with that soothing words and konon2 buat I tenang of which sebenarnye papa tau kan I totally freaked out living here without u.

So I guess now is my turn to sacrifice in this relationship (though not totally and not so much of sacrifice pon. It is just that Ummar is going to stay with me, nothing more.)

This is going to be different.

But I am so thankful that the 1st two years of our marriage we have spent all of that time together and we learn about each other; the good and the nazi's side of each other and we still stick together until today. I guess that's lucky on my side being married to you whose a decade older than me! And not so lucky you for having to tolerate with the (sometimes) immature me.

Alhamdulillah..

Alhamdulillah..that it is you that have been written to be my other half.

U fit the pieces pa. Perfectly.
U hold my hand throughout this journey and you pick me when I jatuh tergolek dok macam cempedak busuk.

And I am writing this because I don't want to forget the moment that I realize I am the luckiest women alive! Having you as my husband and Ummar as our little sunshine.

Alhamdulillah..
Alhamdulillah..
Alhamdulillah..

Thank you ya Allah.