another second breathe

  
  
whenever i tell you one thing about my current life that seems like a taboo to most people - i am not reaching out for your sympathy, i am simply being honest.

whenever i just smile at your insensitive remarks or labelling - i am not being helpless, i am restraining myself from going to that dark place again where i just bluntly lose my patience.

whenever i change the topic every time you ask me that same question - i am not running away, it's just that you are not the person that i wanted to share.

and when i am not sharing it with you - it doesn't mean that i am bottling the feelings inside, it's not that i am crying my life in my heart - it's just that, i don't feel the sense of caring coming from you, what i feel is just the attention to make me feel less of my life.

and when you dare use the word "care" to justify,
deep down i am giving you that finger that seldomly rise among all the fingers of the hand on my right.

until the day that i am begging you for life,
please make it very clear that i am currently doing fine.

if you say i am in the state of denial,
i think you are just trying hard to make you feel better with the state you are in right now by making me feel small and little and very damn minimal.

and if you think i am being too harsh with my selection of words,
believe me yours to me is just as much harsh as this, i am just paying it forward.

and don't you assume the other people too own credit cards like you do and make your pocket burn,
i never own one and so is my husband.

fin-