if diz song was on when i was 11,
i wuld dedic8 it to my akak,
for she is my living hell thru out my pre-teen era - hehe

if diz song was on in 2009 - in d prep for my marriage,
i wuld dedic8 it to my kaklang,
for d stupid fight dat we had - and for how cruel she'd been to me (or so i thot) - hehe

but diz song was just on - & i have no 1 specific to dedic8 it to now,
becuz i'd turned on a new leaf - openly giv a damn care about wut evry1 think - or d opposite.

but i sure think dat if she knows, adik wuld dedic8 it to me,
for i am her living hell from then, till now, & forever (i much believe) - hehe

king - of - anything

keep drinking coffee stare me down across d table - while i look outside
so many things i'd say if only i were able
but i just keep quiet & count d cars dat passed by
u got opinions, man
we're all entitled to 'em - but i never asked
so let me thank u 4 ur time & try not to waste any more of mine
get out of here fast
i hate to break it to u babe - but i'm not drowning
ther's no 1 here to save
so who cares if u disagree?
you are not me
who made u king of anything?
so u dare tell me who to be
who'd die?
& made u king of anything

sara bareilles

looking back,
what i remember is,
when i ask akak "kenape kau sebok (hal aku)?"
she said "sbb aku akak kau"

& when i refuse to apologize for starting a fight with kaklang,
she pulled me towards her n said "kaklang syg kau"

& i beliv i gave d same reason to adik,
eventho she resent it, here's a message 4u adik:

u hardly can do anything about it,
sbb aku KAKAK kau.


& diz sisterhood - i pray hard dat ther wont be anything - or anyone - tearing it down

i love u guys - so so much

p/s: u r all invited to join d celebration of our annyversary nxt weeks - jgn assume ape2 yg hebat - aku nak belanje maqan2 aje :p

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siape yang tak suke raye?

raye mestilah best..

maybe wakjem just lurrrrrrve raye toooo much - he offered his "love" to the camera


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he - that i know

tv show that got his freak on:
house MD

what he thinks of grey's anatomy:

fav mcD's meal:
fillet o'fish

song he always sings out of tune in car:
back 2 good - matchbox 20

movie that he literally remembers all d lines:
pulp fiction

his so-called alter ego:
billy bob thornton

fav pitstop:
kedai jambu kakak "ratu kebaye" dekat tapah

his cooking style:

what he did on my 22nd birthday:
sing happy birthday totally out of tune! & leave it in my voicemail

his fantasy girlfriend:
gwen stefani - yodelay yodelay yodelay yayyy!

his belief:
dettol can cure all your skin issues

he eats:
everything, even the almost basi one - he just didn't notice it

he says no to:
no smoking

his dress code:
anything smart up ther + selipa jamban of whatever version down there

what he'll do to a glass of horlicks:
pour it into your mother's potted plant!

what he gave to me on my 4th semester?
a letter

what he wrote there?
he said he's very sorry that he were not there like anyone like him would and should have

i dunno..

if he knows, he'll know


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yes, i am offended.

oh, it's going to turn 8th next week.

yesterday my husband ask if i'm interested to join bukak puase sponsored by his colleague - buat kat hotel - so i answered why not - it's on our monthyversary anyway - something to be celebrated lah kan (yes, i am cheap. we don't celebrate the monthyversary)

it's going to be the 8th month that i share my whole daily xtvts with - gosok gigi, breakfast, shop for groceries, lepak tepi pantai, sleep, movies, demam, sakit..evry single thing, you name it. & another 4 months we are going to meet that same path that we chose to travel in, yes, in another 4 months i can proudly say that i have been married to him for a year now - and that's when i can legally use the word annyversary (monthy sounds cuter tho..)

and it's going to turn 8th month nextweek,
and i have face with uncounted number of the same question in god-knows multiple version:

dah ade isi ke?
bile nak dapat baby?
u nampak berisi, ade ape-ape ke?
eh, lame tak borak, ade cerite gembire?
bile lagi turn you?
i rase u pregnant kot, banyak makan semacam je ni
kawan kite yang tu dah, yang ni dah, kau bile lagi?
cepat2 ok, anak aku nak kawan
alah sian, anak jiran yang u letak jadi wallpaper, bile nak letak gambar anak sendiri?

& it goes on,
n i believe it will go on forever, until the moment that there is actually a living soul inside my tummy.

i just had a conversation about this with my sister,
i mean, about people asking questions just for the purpose to make you feel small and offended, and for them to feel superior and have a f***ing right to give remarks or directions in how you should lead your life.

i was married at 24 and people don't get the chance to hush-hush asking when will i get married.
but suprisingly, even then, people give me this:-

awalnye kahwin! eh u dah sedia ke ni?

f*** you people.
you selfish *****
you give me that remarks while at the same time turn your head around and asking my 30 year old sister "bile lagi kakak nye ni nak kahwin? adik 2 orang dah kahwin dah.."

just because you have a husband and an endless number of children doesn't mean that people who doesn't is damn f***ing miserable.

do you get my message here?

my mother tought us about ikhlas.

ikhlas dalam bersahabat,
ikhlas dalam mengambil berat.

she don't teach us the opposite.

so let me tell you now.
maybe the reason why it has been a long time since i give a damn about you is because you have offended me - in a way that i never thought you will.

jodoh, ajal, rezqi are things that are out of our control.

feel humble and think back, people..

if you can ask me bile nak dapat anak,

can i pleassssssssse ask you back bile you nak mati?


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keep your feet on the ground while your head's in the cloud

if it's not real you can't hold it in your hands
you can't feel it with your heart
& i won't believe it
but if it's true
you can see it with your eyes
oh, even when in the dark
& that's where i want to be - boring by boring brick

p/s: dik, this is my version of the pix. no german saying wutsoev.. ;)

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KIPC - not Kerteh Integrated Petrochemical Complex

abes tu amende?

make nye, merujuk balik ke page cik imah, yg cube dimaksudkan di sini adelah Kaum Isteri Pisau Cukur - the abb. sounds more professional rite?

to heat things up, or to share stories, & maybe we can share thoughts on this - here goes:

Apakah harga kebebasan suami?

tengahari yang sangat panas,
muke berminyak-minyak,
mengadap nasik berlauk ikan kembong masak cili api,
di bawah atap rumbia.

"jah, suami kau tolong angkat baju tak kat rumah?"

"mestilah, kalau aku mintak tolong die tolong je"

"baru2 kawin ni boleh lah.."

"apesal tanye?"

"aku tak payah angkat baju kau tau. kerje rumah hape pon tak payah buat"

"best betul? wife ok ke?"

"ok lah. aku bayar kebebasan aku dari buat kerje rumah"

"bayar? amende?"

"gaji tiap2 bulan 100% handover"

abestu, belanje sendiri? makan, minyak..?"

gelak lagi kuat.
"cume tu je lah, hari2 mintak duit belanje.
yang...nak mintak duit belanje hari ni"

tepuk dahi & gelak tersangkut2.

"sanggup. asalkan aku tak payah angkat baju,
tak payah tukar lampin anak,
tak payah buat susu anak..bla bla..
aku ade kebebasan aku"


aku lagi rele tak dapat nafkah $$ dari suami daripada buat kerje rumah sorang2 dari pintu pagar rumah kat depan tu sampai pintu belakang. itu tahap merase diri dikahwini utk jadi bibik - iron baju, cuci toilet, vacuum rumah semua aku buat sorg, memang orang gaji betul ni"


balik, tanye my roomie.

"kalau u ade option sama ada rilex goyang kaki kat rumah tak payah buat ape2 or tolong i buat kerje rumah, mane satu u choos?
tapi syaratnye, kalau u nak rilex, u have to handover all ur gaji to me."


"i tak kahwin dgn u utk jadikan u org gaji"

"u choos ape?"

"selame ni i tolong u kan by.."

hehe. nasib baik memberi jawapan yg dikehendaki.
thanx rumie ;)

to conclude this.
frankly, it's my 1st time hearing diz stori - suami yg membayar harge kebebasan diri.
i dunno,
maybe i m toooo katak di bawah tempurung,
but i still believe that marriage is about completing each other,
about splitting everything into two, not doubling.

sebelum kahwin:
laundry seminggu sekali, load 4 kg.

lepas kahwin:
load 8 kg, laundry twice a week.
i basuh + sidai, u tolong angkat ye.

sebelum kahwin:
dinner beli.

lepas kahwin:
ok. i masak, kite maqan same2, u tolong cuci ok?
i masak + cuci, u tlg buang sampah.

sebelum kahwin:
bangun + make up bed + buat breakfast

lepas kahwin:
bangun + buat breakfast + "syg, tlg make up the bed ye"

and evrythin else..


sebelum kahwin:
u jump + i jump

lepas kahwin:
u jump
i goyang kaki tgk tv


freedom - kebebasan, ataupun lepas tangan?

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i kissed her hand - "mak, maaf kan saye"

i kissed her face, and a quick hug, buried my face in her neck

i looked into her eyes - i was sobing hard - saw couple of tears flowing from her eyes

she wiped off my tears, and she nodded - and i got up and left


dat was our last encounter.

had i know about it - i will do everything differently

but i don't

saye rindu mak. sangat.

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m o n t h y v e r s a r y

it was on 26th, last tuesday.
and both of us got the best gift ever:

and for the gift we thanked Him.
with the gift comes
a test,
a challenge,
a space for wisdom,
and patience.
so help us Allah in guiding us with the gift you gave us.
To family and friends,
you are part of this.

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on my nth day of marriage

on my 1st day (night) of marriage my tru love give to me...
1 supernice stomach massage treatment :)
saye sakit perut + berangin non stop.
en. heilmy terkejut dgn revelation pertame saye: my SUPER (sexy) belahaq. u know encik. mase deting dulu i bg yg minor2 aje..
on my 2nd day of marriage my tru love give to me...
a ride back to bangi :)
agkt brg2 peninggalan semalam (read: baju2 masam) n bukak hadiah!
lepak2 with my sisters n enjoying the moment.
how i wish mak was here...
on my 3rd day of marriage my tru love give to me...
his 1st self-made cup of hot coffee :)
instant je pon...ceitt
on my 4th, 5th and 6th day of marriage my tru love give to me...
a getaway trip to avillion pd ~
nice getaway place,
tiptop hospitality,
but VERY bad desk-service.
check in took 1+ hour!
long q, only 1 counter opened for both check in-check out.
but yet, very nice cook, superb selection of breakfast..
all i can think of thru out my time ther is maqan. nuthin els.
on my 7th day of marriage my tru love give to me...
his approval to balik kmpg melake..yay!
sampai kmpg start round, jaje en. heilmy dkt semua sedare mare. yg encik sorg ni pulak pantang di jaje, die beria2, pumpang pumpang dok bercerite, xtau sbnr nye muke org ni dah toye..hah! sabau je le...
on my 8th day of marriage my tru love give (show) to me...
a good example of suami mithali :)
i fell sick! to the bone.
kepale pusing2, tingtong thp dewe.
ckp dgn en. heilmy,
"boleh tlg picit kan kepale i x"
die terus duduk kat sebelah, letak kepale aku ats lap die, n work on his magic fingers.
i fell asleep for few hours, bile terjage en. heilmy ade dkt sebelah, berjage, aku tanye
"u x baring ke"
die ckp
"s'ok, i tggu u dkt sini, kalau nak ape2".
aku baring lg, 2 minit lps tu die kejut
"meh minum honey, kasi kurang pening".
en. heilmy suap kan honey, aku yg tgh tingtong ni ngange aje, x dpt define ape rase yg msk mulot.
dah kepetangan, en. heilmy kejut,
"cube duduk sekejap, lawan pening"
aku duduk, tingtong stil on, bt few minutes dah ok ..
aku mengadu
"encik..lapar. nak mqn sup"
en. heilmy pon keluar, carik sup utk isteri..
balik rumah dgn sup sebelah tgn, sebelah lagi ade plastik laundry.
"tadi u tdo i pegi hntr baju pegi dobi, msk dlm dryer, x pyh kite sidai dkt lua, nnt jd mcm smlm kene hujan"
-hati tersenyum-
"encik..mlm ni kite blk bangi ye"
-hati tersenyum lagi-
on my 9th day of marriage my tru love give to me (my sister)...
a ride back to gombakk...
adik siap sound "korg dah dkt ni nnt rajin2 tgk aku ye"
ha en. heilmy. nak jadi abg ipar mithali x..? kih3
on my 10th day of marriage my tru love give to me...
his supapawa kederat angkat brg2 dari s/alm ke sg. buloh
terimekaseh encik :)
on my 11th day of marriage my tru love give to me...
his logic!
"encik, nnt kalau u sampai awl tlg rebus kan spagget ye"
blk rumah, bkk periuk ats stove....voila!
seperiuk penuh dgn spagget!
die rendam 1 plastik spagget utk 3 org mqn!
"encik, u nk kenduri spaggetti ke ni?"
"u suruh i rebus kan, u x ckp rebus berape bnyk"
"ok encik, lps ni i akn mention precisely brp btg nk rebus ok. so 3 hari 3 mlm lah ngadap spaggetti ni ye"
"takda hal" - ayt die yg plg aku x suke
on my 12th day of marriage my tru love give to me...
a wise piece of advice
"encik, boy basuh kan baju..i plan nak bsh mlm nnt, ni die blk td terus agkt air masuk mesin bilas baju..i malu ni"
"ha, tau kan. si mat boy tu die pantang tgk bnde longgok2 mcm tu, lps ni kalau xnk bsh lg ltk je dlm bilik, nak basuh br bwk p mesin. ok?"
mlm tu, aku nak spin baju, bkk2 mesin tgk baju yg boy basuh td ade lg dlm spin. make aku pon sidai..
eh eh.
ni stokin sape ni?
ni brief sape pulak ni?
aduss..stokin + brief + tshirt + telekung dlm 1 wash. aduilahh~
on my 13th day of marriage my tru love giv to me...
a very sweet sound of his snore....
mlm tu aku x boleh lelap. en. heilmy dah tdo. kite x puas hati, kejut die.
- start snoring-
kiss 1 time dkt pipi.
kiss 1 time dkt dahi.
kiss 1 time dkt kepale.
kiss 1 time dkt lips.
lagi KUAT snore die.
make saye pon berhenti berharap ade org nak teman berjage..
n mlm tu saye mengigau. en. heilmy terjage, die urut2 dada, suroh istighfar.
huh. naseb baik bgn encik ni. klau x terkapai2 aku carik jln kelua dr mimpi yg mengarut tu.
on my 14th day of marriage my tru love give to me...
a thumbs up on my ikan bakar :)
hehe..yess!! kredit 2 adik.
balik keje, all d way drivin back otak berfikir nk msk ape.
call adik, ngadu.
adik ckp
"kau beli ikan, bakar. letak bwg merah, bwg putih, halia, tumbok tau!
jgn blend, x sdp. lps tu kau grg telor..beli ulam sikit. buat air asam"
make setel lah diner aku utk mlm itu, n encik heilmy bg thumbs up!
"tp kan by, klau kite bakar die sekejap je, half d time dari yg kite buat td, bg basah2 je, x kering sgt, mst lg best" lah. nnt kite buat ye ;)
on my 15th day of marriage my tru love...
leave me alone on the bed.
die pigi kije. make nye stuck lah saye di ats katil ni,
ngadap laptop,
dan terhasil lah post ini.

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