another second breathe

if diz song was on when i was 11,
i wuld dedic8 it to my akak,
for she is my living hell thru out my pre-teen era - hehe

if diz song was on in 2009 - in d prep for my marriage,
i wuld dedic8 it to my kaklang,
for d stupid fight dat we had - and for how cruel she'd been to me (or so i thot) - hehe

but diz song was just on - & i have no 1 specific to dedic8 it to now,
becuz i'd turned on a new leaf - openly giv a damn care about wut evry1 think - or d opposite.

but i sure think dat if she knows, adik wuld dedic8 it to me,
for i am her living hell from then, till now, & forever (i much believe) - hehe

tv show that got his freak on:
house MD

what he thinks of grey's anatomy:
cheeeesy...bosan.

fav mcD's meal:
fillet o'fish

song he always sings out of tune in car:
back 2 good - matchbox 20

movie that he literally remembers all d lines:
pulp fiction

his so-called alter ego:
billy bob thornton

fav pitstop:
kedai jambu kakak "ratu kebaye" dekat tapah

his cooking style:
c.a.m.p.a.k!

what he did on my 22nd birthday:
sing happy birthday totally out of tune! & leave it in my voicemail

his fantasy girlfriend:
gwen stefani - yodelay yodelay yodelay yayyy!

his belief:
dettol can cure all your skin issues

he eats:
everything, even the almost basi one - he just didn't notice it

he says no to:
no smoking

his dress code:
anything smart up ther + selipa jamban of whatever version down there

what he'll do to a glass of horlicks:
pour it into your mother's potted plant!












what he gave to me on my 4th semester?
a letter

what he wrote there?
he said he's very sorry that he were not there like anyone like him would and should have








i dunno..

if he knows, he'll know



**

oh, it's going to turn 8th next week.


yesterday my husband ask if i'm interested to join bukak puase sponsored by his colleague - buat kat hotel - so i answered why not - it's on our monthyversary anyway - something to be celebrated lah kan (yes, i am cheap. we don't celebrate the monthyversary)

it's going to be the 8th month that i share my whole daily xtvts with - gosok gigi, breakfast, shop for groceries, lepak tepi pantai, sleep, movies, demam, sakit..evry single thing, you name it. & another 4 months we are going to meet that same path that we chose to travel in, yes, in another 4 months i can proudly say that i have been married to him for a year now - and that's when i can legally use the word annyversary (monthy sounds cuter tho..)


and it's going to turn 8th month nextweek,
and i have face with uncounted number of the same question in god-knows multiple version:

dah ade isi ke?
bile nak dapat baby?
u nampak berisi, ade ape-ape ke?
eh, lame tak borak, ade cerite gembire?
bile lagi turn you?
i rase u pregnant kot, banyak makan semacam je ni
kawan kite yang tu dah, yang ni dah, kau bile lagi?
cepat2 ok, anak aku nak kawan
alah sian, anak jiran yang u letak jadi wallpaper, bile nak letak gambar anak sendiri?


& it goes on,
n i believe it will go on forever, until the moment that there is actually a living soul inside my tummy.



i just had a conversation about this with my sister,
i mean, about people asking questions just for the purpose to make you feel small and offended, and for them to feel superior and have a f***ing right to give remarks or directions in how you should lead your life.


i was married at 24 and people don't get the chance to hush-hush asking when will i get married.
but suprisingly, even then, people give me this:-

awalnye kahwin! eh u dah sedia ke ni?


f*** you people.
you selfish *****
you give me that remarks while at the same time turn your head around and asking my 30 year old sister "bile lagi kakak nye ni nak kahwin? adik 2 orang dah kahwin dah.."


just because you have a husband and an endless number of children doesn't mean that people who doesn't is damn f***ing miserable.

do you get my message here?


my mother tought us about ikhlas.

ikhlas dalam bersahabat,
ikhlas dalam mengambil berat.

she don't teach us the opposite.

so let me tell you now.
maybe the reason why it has been a long time since i give a damn about you is because you have offended me - in a way that i never thought you will.

jodoh, ajal, rezqi are things that are out of our control.

feel humble and think back, people..

if you can ask me bile nak dapat anak,

can i pleassssssssse ask you back bile you nak mati?





.

.....
abes tu amende?

make nye, merujuk balik ke page cik imah, yg cube dimaksudkan di sini adelah Kaum Isteri Pisau Cukur - the abb. sounds more professional rite?

nway..
to heat things up, or to share stories, & maybe we can share thoughts on this - here goes:

Apakah harga kebebasan suami?

scene:
tengahari yang sangat panas,
muke berminyak-minyak,
mengadap nasik berlauk ikan kembong masak cili api,
di bawah atap rumbia.

"jah, suami kau tolong angkat baju tak kat rumah?"

gelak.
"mestilah, kalau aku mintak tolong die tolong je"

"baru2 kawin ni boleh lah.."

hurm..
"apesal tanye?"

"aku tak payah angkat baju kau tau. kerje rumah hape pon tak payah buat"

wahhhh....
"best betul? wife ok ke?"

"ok lah. aku bayar kebebasan aku dari buat kerje rumah"

wow!
"bayar? amende?"

gelak.
"gaji tiap2 bulan 100% handover"

"serius?
abestu, belanje sendiri? makan, minyak..?"

gelak lagi kuat.
"cume tu je lah, hari2 mintak duit belanje.
yang...nak mintak duit belanje hari ni"

tepuk dahi & gelak tersangkut2.
"serius?"
"sanggup?"

"sanggup. asalkan aku tak payah angkat baju,
tak payah tukar lampin anak,
tak payah buat susu anak..bla bla..
aku ade kebebasan aku"

wow.
hurm.
ok.

"aku,
aku lagi rele tak dapat nafkah $$ dari suami daripada buat kerje rumah sorang2 dari pintu pagar rumah kat depan tu sampai pintu belakang. itu tahap merase diri dikahwini utk jadi bibik - iron baju, cuci toilet, vacuum rumah semua aku buat sorg, memang orang gaji betul ni"

gelak.

balik, tanye my roomie.

"kalau u ade option sama ada rilex goyang kaki kat rumah tak payah buat ape2 or tolong i buat kerje rumah, mane satu u choos?
tapi syaratnye, kalau u nak rilex, u have to handover all ur gaji to me."

diam.




"i tak kahwin dgn u utk jadikan u org gaji"

"u choos ape?"

"selame ni i tolong u kan by.."

hehe. nasib baik memberi jawapan yg dikehendaki.
thanx rumie ;)

nway.
to conclude this.
frankly, it's my 1st time hearing diz stori - suami yg membayar harge kebebasan diri.
i dunno,
maybe i m toooo katak di bawah tempurung,
but i still believe that marriage is about completing each other,
about splitting everything into two, not doubling.

sebelum kahwin:
laundry seminggu sekali, load 4 kg.

lepas kahwin:
load 8 kg, laundry twice a week.
i basuh + sidai, u tolong angkat ye.

sebelum kahwin:
dinner beli.

lepas kahwin:
ok. i masak, kite maqan same2, u tolong cuci ok?
@
i masak + cuci, u tlg buang sampah.

sebelum kahwin:
bangun + make up bed + buat breakfast

lepas kahwin:
bangun + buat breakfast + "syg, tlg make up the bed ye"


and evrythin else..

so.

sebelum kahwin:
u jump + i jump

lepas kahwin:
u jump
+
i goyang kaki tgk tv

......?

freedom - kebebasan, ataupun lepas tangan?

i kissed her hand - "mak, maaf kan saye"

i kissed her face, and a quick hug, buried my face in her neck

i looked into her eyes - i was sobing hard - saw couple of tears flowing from her eyes

she wiped off my tears, and she nodded - and i got up and left

..
......
.
.........


dat was our last encounter.

had i know about it - i will do everything differently

but i don't





saye rindu mak. sangat.